The Best Is Yet To Be

Resigning from my teaching position wasn’t an easy decision.  Or one I took lightly.  But it was something I had to do.  Never having quit something before (I don’t even like that word, “quitter”), there was much trepidation and fear and “gnashing of teeth”.  But given the hostile work environment I found myself in, and the fact that it didn’t appear anything would change in the near future, I crossed my i’s and dotted my t’s (literally, I think it went down in that order), and I pressed on.  I pressed “send”.  I e-mailed my resignation letter and I called it a year.  And what a year it was.

Though 2013 as a whole was not a bad year (Disney in February, basketball and baseball seasons, gymnastics classes, a hard-to-top girls’ trip to Chicago in the spring, summer vacation at our beloved cottage in Northern Michigan, Fall Break in Destin, FL at a dear friend’s lovely condo, the support and presence of family), all-in-all, the year had some really wonderful ordinary and extraordinary moments.  But the last two months of 2013 were almost more than this typically optimistic, resourceful girl could handle:

~ my husband bed-ridden for two weeks with a bulging disk

~ my daughter’s Thanksgiving Day hayride accident where her calf was crushed between a trailer and a tree
~ the inevitable unraveling of my work at Vanderbilt with students and colleagues I really valued and appreciated

But, there is a silver lining to all of this and the silver lining is good . . . the very best part about the past couple months’ unfolding, about where I find myself this very minute (sitting on my couch by the fire, with candles burning and a warm cup of tea next to me) . . . is that I get to create my next chapter.  I get to dream it, explore it, write about it, try on new ways of being, and whole-ly be ME.  There is no more second-guessing how my actions will be interpreted (or misinterpreted) or tiptoeing around someone else’s insecurities so that they can be made to feel bigger by trying to make me feel small.  Nope.  Don’t have to do that anymore.

No, the feelings I am left with now, a week into the new year and with all the promise it holds, are of gratitude, forgiveness, and love.  I am thankful that I knew when to say when and that I had enough support and a strong enough sense of self-worth to walk away from a toxic situation, or as I liked to refer to it as  “a cesspool of negativity” (who wants to be mired down in that??).  I am thankful for the lessons I learned in the process and for the people in my circle who supported me through it, helping navigate unsafe waters with diplomacy, tact, and authenticity. 

I am letting go of any of the negativity or fear the final events in 2013 stirred up, and I am forgiving myself and others – knowing we all are simply doing the best we can at any given moment.  I am moving forward with a heart full of love, hope, and a willingness to experience new ways of thinking and being that will lead me exactly where I need to go.

It is a little bit scary and a little bit exhilarating but I’ll figure it out.  And it will be grand.  Follow me . . . the best is yet to be!