Into the third page of the paper, I hear the speaker begin and it goes something like this: “Do you know what you are going to do with your life? Do you feel like your purpose is clear? Are you doing work that matters?” . . . Hmmm. Trying to stay focused, I re-read the last two sentences I just read and try to hunker down. But, the speaker keeps talking - words that sound like they are meant for me after months of doggie paddling in a tsunami of a work environment – and I decide I need to hear what he has to say more than I need to grade this one specific paper right now, so I push the paper back in the manila folder from which it came and walk up to the front of the store to join the other twenty or so people gathered to hear Jon Acuff speak.
I’d never heard of him or his books but when he talked,
people listened. And laughed. And nodded. And wanted to hear more. So did I.
I listened for an hour as he shared insights about doing work that matters,
not settling for five days of "barely bearable" to live out two days of amazing
on the week-end. He talked about the
importance of networking effectively (reach out to whomever and ask ONE good
question because most people have the time and ability to answer ONE good
question . . . ), harnessing the power of social media toward professional
ends by using it as a tool to market yourself and he encouraged the audience to
take that first step toward whatever it is, to begin in some small way.
Almost late to pick up Taggart from basketball, I left the
talk thinking I needed to hear everything Jon had shared. I was also thinking my students did too. All seniors completing full-time internships,
hearing Jon would be a wonderful segue to their next chapters. It might aid them in their job searches,
interviewing, networking. Jon had a
fresh way to present and approach this process and I wanted my students to use Jon’s
experience, strategies, and wisdom to help bridge the gap from their
internships to their first jobs.
The next morning I emailed Jon a short note to let him know
how much I enjoyed his talk and how relevant I found it to be, particularly for
college students. I mentioned having a
captive group of seniors whom I taught at Vanderbilt and if he ever wanted to
talk to my class, we’d welcome it . . . well, Jon wrote me back within a few minutes and said he’d love to talk to my students (for free no less, and
since I didn’t have a budget, that was a very good thing!). I responded by saying, “Well, since you
opened the door, our second-to-last class is this coming Monday, any chance you
are available then???” And with a quick
reply back from him saying, “Sure, name the time and place – I’ll be there!", I
couldn’t wait to share Jon with my students.
I bought his book, read most of it over the weekend and
though he was there Monday night to speak to my students about
their next steps, I felt many of the messages he shared applied to me too. A lot of it wasn’t necessarily new
information for me but he did help remind me and motivate me to follow what I know: start (something, anything, in the words of Rumi, “Start a huge, foolish
project, like Noah . . . it makes absolutely no difference what people think of
you.”), stop doing things that don’t contribute to your purpose, be strategic
about how you market yourself, work hard, persist. Oh, and give no mind to the
“haters” – those in your world who can’t acknowledge and support your gifts . .
. or worse, who openly cut you down.
Hearing Jon was like a wheat grass shot to my psyche after
struggling through three months of work that attempted to make me be a smaller
version of myself, questioning every step and move I made. Not the violent type (not even always as assertive as I should be), I didn’t exactly decide to punch fear in the
face. But, I did decide to slay my own
dragon. I knew I could no longer carry
the fear and anxiety my work was causing, that something had to give. It took me looking good and hard at what I
had to lose and what I had to gain and in doing so, my answer was crystal
clear. And even though my identity has
been tied to Vanderbilt more on than off for the past 23 years and it was hard
and scary for me to think about detaching from that institution and my work
there, I knew I needed to leave.
The hardest part (besides leaving good colleagues behind) .
. . defining myself anew and answering the question: Who am I, if not an educator at Vanderbilt
University? The answers I am living into and can be more of since my
departure a month ago were waiting for me to better see them all along: a wife,
mother, daughter, sister, friend, aunt, artist, writer, learner, seeker, pancake
maker, gardener, reader, dog walker, coffee shop frequenter . . . and the list
will continue to grow as I bravely step out into my new world without the
shackles of my old, too-small role and definitions. I am
able to be more of me in a hundred big and small ways. I am so thankful for my husband’s support
(and good job!) as I navigate what my new normal might be. And I am thankful too for the mirror Jon
Acuff held up for me, so that I could see reflected back to me, my fears, my
dragons, and the bigger “me” that I needed to free: unencumbered, unafraid,
whole and enough.
I’m a dragon slayer too – who’d have ever guessed? The non-violent kind, of course. Simply standing up for myself, calling a spade a spade, and most importantly, knowing when to say when. No combat gear required.
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