Toast and Coffee

Read a great article over the week-end that a friend sent me (thank you Sharon H.!) about the artisanal toast craze that has swept San Francisco ( http://www.psmag.com/navigation/health-and-behavior/toast-story-latest-artisanal-food-craze-72676/ ) and it got me thinking . . . about lots of things.  Like, ohhh, Nashville doesn’t have a place that does great toast . . . hmmmm, maybe I bring that to Nashville.  Toast & Coffee.  Now I know nothing about owning a coffeeshop.  I’m only a so-so cook (my husband’s killer, thank goodness!), but I can make a darn good piece of cinnamon toast.  That’s a start isn’t it??  My secret is all in the butter – organic, mind you (and never, ever margarine – yuck! All those trans fats - so bad for you . . . and now they are saying organic butter is good in moderate doses – good fats, I love you!).  I’m not skimpy with the butter (hey, it’s like health food these days, right??).  And you have to butter the toast while it’s hot so it soaks in, then just as quickly, dust on a thin layer of the cinnamon (also good for us! Keeps the blood sugar stable).  Lastly, the sugar (or Stevia in the Raw if you want to keep it a bit healthier) – a few pinches – sprinkled on to lightly cover the canvas of your toast. Cut in triangles. And serve : ) Voila! 

Not sure it’s a strong enough foundation to open a restaurant/coffee shop on, so my wheels keep turning.  Boy, can my mom make some great homemade bread (beer bread, english muffin bread, dill bread, pistachio bread . . .).  We’ll need homemade bread, right? So I’m thinking she can be our bread maker (coming from a long line of bread makers, Lib will have truly come full circle – Wonder bread, are your ears burning?? Don’t be scared, we’ll keep it small batch!).  Not sure how the bread making will affect my mom’s retirement or many travels but we’ll figure that out later . . . see how these ideas have a life all their own? And they take no prisoners – anyone’s fair game in helping make this nascent dream a reality (not sure it’s my dream yet either, but we’ll keep playing this thing out, just to see . . . ).

Then, I think, oh crap, everybody’s all carb conscious these days.  Will they still want toast? Eat it? I’m a big believer in moderation in all things so I still have my cake, er toast (or bagel), and eat it too . . . but others, they are much more restrictive (and I hate restrictions or anyone telling me I can’t have something because for me, I just want it that much more!).  I just heard about someone who has completely cut out all carbs indefinitely and I am honestly sad for that person.  Because carbs make me happy and given that I’m a pescatarian and lactose intolerant, some good carbs can take me a long way! Oh, and then there’s the gluten issue – we’d have to offer a gluten-free version of our artisanal bread . . . And, use non-GM (genetically modified) sources for our bread because the GM stuff is awful and they don’t want us to know how insidious and rampant it is in most of our conventional foods these days . . .

Well, I was having fun with this idea in my head and now I’m getting tired and a little less excited because this idea is starting to feel like a whole lotta work.  And it’s not that I’m not good with that. Willing to put in the work. But the bigger question is, could I be sustainably passionate about this through all the hard work it would take to make it really take off and thrive??  Is it something I would even want to do?  It COULD be.  But I don’t know.  I’m still trying to live into that next big thing and it’s hard when you are committed to following the energy, wherever it takes you (and it seems to be taking me all over the place!).

My husband asks, “Have you decided when you’ll go to MI this summer?” since I typically take the kids for the month of July and with my former teaching schedule, that worked wonderfully.  Well, given that I am unemployed right now, I said I wasn’t sure but threw out a tentative window of three and a half weeks I was considering. And to him, that answered his real question of: When do you think you might be gainfully employed again?  To which my answer underneath the vacation timeframe question would be: When I find that next right thing.  It takes time. And I am thankful that I have that right now.  I’m also thankful to get to be one of those parents who can be truly involved in the daily “stuff” of my kids’ lives – that I have the time and attention to really be present for them. That, and the chance for me to dream and write a bit each day, is the biggest gift in my life right now.  In this chapter of mid-life, with school-age kids, in a twelve-year old marriage . . . I can’t say for certain what the next chapter will look like – as much as anyone else might wish it to be so.  Like good artisanal bread dough, I’m making sure all the right ingredients go in, and I’m trying to let the dough of my life rise all on its own.  No amount of prodding or peeking or pushing or cajoling makes it rise faster.  Just time and patience and the knowing: that it will come.

That’s where I am today and trying to remain: content in my belief that right now, in this very moment, I am rising.  Slowly but surely – into my next big thing.  Perhaps it’s getting to write for a living or raising chickens in the backyard or becoming a bona fide beekeeper.  Or perhaps it’s something else entirely.  Or all of these ideas in some crazy combination. Like my most recent batch of banana bread made with organic coconut sugar, coconut oil, gluten free flour, flax seed, and a small dose of dark chocolate chips (just to keep it real!), the kids said it was the best I ever made – who knew???

Follow the energy . . . wherever it takes you.  It will lead you exactly where you need to go.