No Zen at the Zoo

O.K. So I can call a spade a spade. And I’m here to tell you that in light of writing an essay about “I am that” yesterday, God decided to knock loudly at my door. I think he was laughing as I refused to answer . . .

After taking Taggart and our friend Lily to school this morning, Sage and I decided to go to my mom’s condo to see her and her friend Steve. I hadn’t even showered and that should have been my first clue that the day wasn’t off to a fresh start. It was my bright idea that my mom and I take Sage to the zoo. We had been talking about going at different times this week and I thought this morning was a good morning for it. My thinking: get there early, have a nice cool morning, and head home just in time for Sage's nap. Sounds fantastic, right?

No. Not so fantastic. In fact, let me just say now: I found no Zen at the zoo. What I did find was almost more than I could bear. I’ll be the first to say, I was commenting left and right, “I am that” to every judgment I was making (and I was making lots). It brought me little peace. I’m not sure if it was the humidity – which this Michigander still struggles mightily with after 20 years! – or the crowds (I think I counted 14 metro school buses as we pulled in), but I was anything but centered.

All I could think was, “How fast can we get out of here?” We saw the monkeys and the meerkats and then went to the carousel. I usually save this ‘til last; that tells you my frame of mind. After the carousel, we went and fed the lorikeets. Then, when I didn’t think I could stand the crowds or the humidity a second more, I pulled out the McDonald’s card.

“Sage, Grammy and I were thinking we’d run through McDonald’s when we leave and get ice cream. What do you think?” I’m no dummy. I knew what I was doing. But I had to – and I was pretty sure I was going to renege on the ice cream. How mean is that??? (I had already promised Taggart we would have cones when he got home from school. So, there was still ice cream, just not in her smack-dab-immediate future.)

Sage wanted to see the elephants and giraffes. I could manage that. I wasn’t so sure about my mom. Lagging behind, in long sleeves and jeans, all I could do was chuckle as I pushed Sage’s stroller up the hill. When we got to a shady spot, we waited for Grammy. She caught up and asked if it was 90 degrees - I’m not sure but it sure as heck felt like it.

We saw the elephants and the giraffes. Nothing remarkable. And then we beat a hasty retreat toward the exit. There were so many people. And it was hot – did I say that yet??? I was passing judgments by the minute – no one was safe. “Who are all these people?” “Where did they come from?” “They look like they’re from the country – maybe they need to go back there!” (I’m from the country. Manton, MI. Who am I to pass judgment . . . ?)

Needless to say, it wasn’t pretty. I wasn’t pretty. And my “I am that” that I spoke so highly of just yesterday wasn’t making a dent in my judgments or overheated mentality today. So again, it bears repeating, we are all doing the best we can. My best today was to get out of the zoo as quickly as possible without upsetting my daughter or leaving my slowpoke mom behind. My best was going to McDonald’s and getting Sage a Happy Meal and mom and I fries and Cokes. It was coping at its best. Full blast air-conditioning, comfort food, and Sage asleep before we got home.

My best was also sneaking into my bed after laying Sage down and resting under the fan in my darkened room. I awoke thirty minutes later. And life seemed much more manageable. I was more centered. Zen in my bed. Some days, I am that.