A Hundred Different Ways

In bed, late at night when I can’t sleep, I go over situations and decisions and work them a hundred different ways.  I twist them and turn them and come out with better responses, more effective solutions, another possibility I hadn’t even considered. When I do this I call it “Rubik’s Cubing” my life. And I do this a lot. Twisting and turning those hundred possibilities until there is a perfect alignment. Symmetry.  I remember once reading that humans are drawn to the most symmetrical faces – that they find them the most beautiful.  Well, I’m thinking same goes for life.  We are drawn to symmetry in its many forms. The Rubik’s Cube, if you’re good, can be one quick, symmetrical, albeit short-lived fix (especially if you are just shooting for one side!).

Most of us had one, or at least tried to solve one, as kids. And though I was in the “gifted” program, I was never one of those kid geniuses who patiently and methodically worked challenging math problems or the cube for days on end, and then knew the solution was theirs to be had as they arrived at all sides matching up, once again.

I will say I remember one time, ONE, where I was working it and my parents were encouraging me,  “You can do it honey! We know you can.”  (I wonder how much time was freed up for parents while their kids worked ever-so-diligently on the ole Rubik’s Cube??? Now I know why my parents were so encouraging! We parents will do anything for a couple minutes of quiet . . . can I get an Amen??). So there I was focused and having fun, and all of a sudden, voile! Like magic, all the sides were aligned.  And the craziest thing, I wasn’t even really trying. I was just playing with it and having fun.

It wasn’t like I plotted and strategized and knew exactly what I was doing so that I could get those six sides all matched up. I would like to believe (and have you believe!) I’m that smart and able. But as a kid, I just wasn’t that patient. Nor am I the type of learner to visualize twelve steps ahead. Now, I can come up with twelve options for a good meal in Nashville or twelve inconsequential worries in about 5.2 seconds.  But, visualizing the cube, with its twists and turns, so that I might see how each side would transform eight steps later, well, let’s suffice it to say I leave that to others with mad “skillz” way beyond my unique “gifts”.

No, I was the type of kid who wanted to feel my way into or out of any give situation.  Who relied more on my instincts and gut.  Maybe I was led to solve that Rubik’s Cube the one time in my life I remember it happening.  And I’m sure we were all excited when I finally solved it.  But there was no great fanfare.  My mom didn’t bake a cake. We didn’t document the moment and put the Rubik’s Cube in one of those glass terrariums to gather dust on the shelf.

Yes, to look at all six smooth sides, all matching colors - blue, red, white, yellow, green, orange – and take in their sameness, it was a sight to behold. Long journey to same. To matching. To perfection. That feeling as you see it all coming together – self-assured, triumphant, and in my case, surprised! A sense of accomplishment and pride.  But I don’t remember those feelings lasting more than about five minutes.  And then I went on with my life. Onto the next big thing.

Maybe it’s because I solved it on accident. I couldn’t have explained it, had I wanted to.  MIT Admissions was not knocking down our door.  But, the process of working the cube, and my belief that I could solve it: priceless. The work, the twisting, the turning, the hope: that’s what I loved. What fed me and kept me going. I even liked the non-matching patterns that emerged.  The mix of colors. The ease of solving one side, and then four, and perhaps all six (be it on accident or on purpose!).
Not to sound all Forrest Gumpish, but it seems like life is one big Rubik’s Cube.  We twist it and we turn it and sometimes it’s a picture of perfect symmetry. Other days not so much. Some days: well behaved kids, a completed project, a good work-out – all color blocks matched up and giving a happy six color rainbow salute. Others: a mish mash mix-up of unmade beds, dirty dishes, hormonal surges, and bickering kids that leave you frustrated and done.

Life is both the puzzle and the solution. The twisting, turning, strategizing and planning. The intuition of following a nudge to take a different turn, to step into the unknown and trust something bigger that’s guiding you. And soaking in the relief and pride at getting it right once in a while.  Or feeling surprised when the “answer” wasn’t exactly what you planned (but maybe even better??).

The secret of life?  Go live it. Solve your puzzle. Embrace the process. Revel in your end result. Be right some. Happy a lot. Live into your moments. Love your whole life. Like Rilke says, love the questions themselves.  Then, by some twist or turn, or patiently waiting, you will live into your answers.

No Rubik’s Cube required.