Got Love?

 

Grief and loss, and the unraveling and stitching back together of our lives, is not for the weak of heart.  Nonetheless, it is the price we pay for being human.  And, as most of us can attest, it can bring out the very best, and the very worst, in people. Whatever the case may be, the trick to it all seems to be in  remembering everyone is simply doing the best they can with what they’ve got. (This isn’t to say that even when you know this, you don’t wish for something different! Just that self-awareness has the potential to make you more generous and compassionate toward yourself and with your people and their bleeding hearts.)

We’ve all been there. Some folks have strong coping skills; others . . . not so much.  Some would rather live in denial.  Others rail against the world, asking “Why me God?”  Many feel anger, guilt, or resentment.  And some still are able to embrace their losses and the lessons they have to teach - sometimes in the immediate aftermath but often after some deep soul-searching and sadness and coming-around-again-gladness for their very own lives and their many blessings.

The thing is, we can’t make or wish anyone to be anything more than what they are. Unfortunately, our expectations can get very big and unbending.  And what I’ve learned time and time again about expectations is that it is so much easier if we simply EXPECT LESS.  People can only be what they can be no matter how much we want to push, pull, and drag them to our way of thinking and being.  If they are not able, we can’t wish them there no matter how powerful we believe ourselves to be.
I think the best question we can ask of ourselves and others, in times of loss but at any critical juncture in our lives when our fear and self-doubt buttons are pulsing bright red, is this:

“Got Love?” 

If we can simply come from a place of love and compassion – for others and ourselves - instead of worry, fear, or judgment, we’d save ourselves from a lot of frustration and disappointment.  But unfortunately, we often can’t get out of our own way.  More times than not, we get stuck in our own little worlds, thinking our small little thoughts; we are hard-pressed to be bigger and think, “What would Love do here?” 

I know this. Love didn’t come to live a life of quiet desperation. Love came to live out loud. So, ask yourself, are you here to do your work or God’s?  The work of no religion but the unassuming work of goodness, compassion, wholeness and light, as you lovingly carve your path and make your way.
That’s who you are. The truth in each of us.  The lesson every loss and death is here to teach us.  We don’t need to find ourselves. We don’t need to desperately look to others or any religion or any magical *thing*. No, the treasure we most seek is buried deep inside ourselves.  It is our truth, our own deep knowing that we are all made in love – of love – of goodness – of God stuff.  That we are already whole, complete, and perfect - exactly as we are.

Unfortunately, the undoing of this inborn knowledge comes surreptitiously over the years. As children, we believe we are worthy - Loved and Loving with a capital “L”.  But then, layer upon layer stealthily it’s laid, a full coat of armor until we no longer know our own truth. Until we have forgotten the only answer to the question, “Got Love?” is:

Yes. Yes. Yes. 

Seeing and looking for any other validation is our own confirmation bias, hard at work. It comes from our own small thinking by way of fear/anxiety/worry and leads only to the dead end of disconnection and a longing for belonging that whines, whimpers, and eventually howls its presence.

But that God, SO crafty, keeps giving us lessons until we get it. Those challenging life experiences? Gosh darn it if they don’t keep showing up! Different clothes, different job, different city, perhaps, but each is just a roundabout circling to a similar lesson. The Universe, oh-so-patient, waits UNTIL WE FINALLY GET IT.  And when, at long last, we can answer “Yes!” to the question God keeps posing, when we can come from a place of love for self and others, well then we get to get off that same, old, tired carousel.  And we get to move on.

Be bigger, God calls. Take the road less traveled, Frost urges. Forge a new way of being, your spirit implores. Summit your own fears, insecurities, worries and doubts. Only then will you see your very own face reflected back to you in the shimmer of the sun’s warm rays; you will come face-to-face with your God self and realize, what you’ve been waiting for, it’s been inside you all along.

Then, when you thrust your flag of enlightenment deep into that peak and shout “Got Love?”, your answer will be so obvious - in everything, everywhere - a soul-deep knowing that love is the only language we all can speak and understand. You will bless and be blessed. You will have found your truth and be made whole. You will remember who you are. You will be set free.

Rumi says it all in the poem "Say Yes Quickly":

Forget your life. Say God is Great. Get up.
 You think you know what time it is. It’s time to pray. 
You’ve carved so many little figurines, too many. 
Don’t knock on any random door like a beggar. 
Reach your long hands out to another door, beyond where
 you go on the street, the street
 where everyone says, “How are you?”
and no one says “How aren’t you?”
Tomorrow you’ll see what you’ve broken and torn tonight, 
thrashing in the dark. Inside you
 there’s an artist you don’t know about. 
 He’s not interested in how things look different in moonlight.
If you are here unfaithfully with us, 
you’re causing terrible damage. 
If you’ve opened your loving to God’s love, 
you’re helping people you don’t know
 and have never seen.
Is what I say true? Say yes quickly, 
if you know, if you’ve known it 
from before the beginning of the universe. 

YES! YES! YES!